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Everyday should be Valentine's Day

If modern Valentine’s Day is about showing your loved one that they are truly loved by you, then wouldn’t that go down well every day?

Relationships Australia NT Counsellor Rebecca Lowe suggests that while cards, poems, chocolates and flowers might be lovely, you don’t need to purchase things to show someone you love them.

“According to relationship scientists Drs Julie and John Gottman small gestures done, noticed, received and thanked play a huge role in daily connectedness with our partners,” Ms Lowe explains.

“Their research with couples tells us that very, very simple things such as actually looking right at our partner, especially when they are talking with us makes our body have a physiological response. This bodily response helps us to feel and actually be closer emotionally. Closer emotionally and feeling loved go hand-in-glove.”

Ms Lowe suggests that there are many small, easy and affordable ways to show our loved ones that we love them, appreciate them, enjoy them and actually like them.

Her tips include:

  • Smiling (try it)
  • A light touch when going past
  • Offering of a drink
  • Saying goodbye when leaving the house
  • Making coming back together at the end of the day a big deal – stop what you’re both doing, hug, kiss, ask each other how you are, give each other space if you then need it
  • Connect during the day, every day, no matter how busy you each are. A short text, email, phone call, drop in. Make sure you respond if your partner reaches out to connect with you – text or email back. Even if you feel you have nothing to say.

“Relationships Australia NT offers a Couple Connect course to help couples at all stages of their relationship to fine tune the connection and communication of their relationship. Many couples find attending one of our couple courses beneficial particularly in setting aside time for the relationship, focusing on it, putting effort in and being assisted to do this with structure.

“It can be really helpful when people’s thinking just shifts a little, and they realise that what they put into their relationship helps to create that relationship.

“Remember, no one person is going to have the exact same relationship with any two people, a ‘relationship’ is what those two individuals create when they come together and the dynamic between them is ‘their relationship’.

“On top of this (or actually as the bedrock) is the emotional connection between the couple; the building of trust, of friendship, fun, shouldering challenges together, overcoming hurdles in life together, turning towards each other,” she said.

Relationships Australia offers Couple Connect four times throughout this year, the first course is on 21 and 28 February.

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